Every girl dreams about when she will get her first boyfriend, how it will be so romantic and beautiful and Prince Charming will sweep her off her feet. What she doesn’t think about is that maybe Prince Charming isn’t so charming after the first date. My first boyfriend was controlling and emotionally and psychologically abusive. He was quick to anger and blame me for things that were out of my control. He told me I wasn’t allowed to see my best friend because “she was a bad influence.” We had known each other since we were 5 and neither one of us had gotten into trouble, so I’m not sure what his definition of “bad” was. He was always checking up on me, making sure I was somewhere he approved of. If I didn’t answer my phone right away, he would continue calling and texting until I finally answered, and then would scream at me for not answering the first time.
If he was angry about something, it was always my fault. He got a speeding ticket once and made me pay it because he said I had made him mad and that’s why he was speeding. He would threaten to hurt himself and it would be my fault, I had made him do it because I made him so mad. I heard that I was a bitch so many times I started to believe it.
After 2 1/2 years, I walked away. There was one final incident that pushed me over the edge and I had enough. I had a cat at the time, and as silly as it sounds, my rationalization was if he could hurt me, he could hurt my cat and there was no way I was going to let that happen. I packed my cat in a carrier, clothes in a garbage bag and left. I am so glad I did, it made me a stronger person and made me see that I deserved so much better.
Thank you Emma, for sharing your story.