#WhyIDidntReport, Rape, Sexual abuse, sexual assault, Uncategorized

There Were Seven

lrg_dsc01009-1There were seven. Seven people who sexually assaulted me throughout my life. Not all were men. None were strangers. Not one of them was ever held accountable. Some have never been reported, not even to my closest friends –and probably never will be. Some happened decades ago. The first happened before I was a year old.

Just because they were not reported, does not mean they did not happen. It does not mean they did not alter my life. It does not mean that things were not stolen from me. It does not mean that I am a liar. Every survivor of sexual assault has a right to their story. Every survivor has a right to report when they are ready, or not at all.

Every survivor matters. 

You matter.

You are believed.

You are trusted.

You are strong.

You are not alone.

You are loved.

#MeToo, #WhyIDidntReport, Rape, Sexual abuse, sexual assault

#WhyIDidntReport

#WhyIDidntReport

I was 15 and a virgin when he raped me. I told him no, but he didn’t listen. I cried. I cried while he was inside me. I cried when he left, as shame held me hostage in my bed. I wanted to shower, to get it off me, but I couldn’t move.

My world went dark, as depression took over. Suicide was the only way out. It was the only way I knew to stop the pain. When my obituary was found, my plan was foiled. I couldn’t end the pain, I had to learn to live with it, with the secret of that night.

When my mom found out I had sex, she called me a dirty whore. When my social worker from the Department of Child Services found out, he made me go on the pill –because I was promiscuous.

No one would have believed me.

I was too afraid to go to court to testify against him. I didn’t want to look at him. I was already in court with my stepfather for sexually abusing me. I just couldn’t go through another trial.

I was 15.

I was afraid.

I was ashamed.

I didn’t even tell my best friend.

I couldn’t tell anyone.

I thought it was my fault.

I thought I asked for it.

I thought I could have made him stop.

I was 15.

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