Jessica Aiken-Hall

Unleashing Secrets

On My Mind

Domestic Violence Awareness Month: Priscilla’s Story

A four-year-old girl tries to understand her parents’ abuse; especially her father’s manhandling. Throughout grammar school, her abuse grows more frightening. Meanwhile, the mother offers no secure support. As a sheltered teenager, anxiety grows while she tries to escape the hostile sexual advances by her father.
Coming of age at twenty-one, she provokes a bold move to distance herself from him. Consequently soon after the incident, he dies. Feeling guilty, ashamed and overwhelmed, she could not explain her withdrawal from life. It finally costs her a marriage of twenty-five years.
Following an announcement by her second husband, “She is a very strong woman,” strength of character moves her onward to a patient, caring therapist. Ten years of weekly therapy finally bring answers to many painful questions. However, the next family tragedy she encounters leaves her twisting in the wind.

Photo Courtesy of: Jourdan Buck Photography

Priscilla has a lot more to her story, and it can be read in her memoir, The First Day of the Rest of My Life.

Thank you, Priscilla for being brave enough for sharing your story, and for wanting to be the voice for others in similar situations. You are brave. You are strong. You are powerful.

#DomesticViolenceAwareness

Domestic Violence Awareness Month: Michele’s Story

“My name is Michele A Avery and I am 68 years young. Meandering through this world with a hitch in my giddyup. (Arthritic knees and other issues)

My story began as a child who was born to a woman who was told she would never have children again after my older brother was born. Much to my Mom’s dismay I came along 18 months after he did. 

Researching back through family information etc it sounds like my mom suffered from pretty serious post partum depression x2 and could have been when she became pregnant with me.

Part of the result of that was me being a child without a name for over a month while still in the hospital for medical reasons. 

Finally, mom had a visit from a priest who after praying over me, told her to name me Michele after Michael the archangel.

I’m very thankful for those initial prayers because I believe today they protected me throughout my life.

Most of which was saturated with feelings of never being good enough and not being worthy.  I was always dressed pretty and scrubbed clean but it was a different story inside our walls. Mom ruled with an iron fist and fought her own demons much of her life. 

I have two good memories of my life growing up , the rest are scattered with a dysfunctional upbringing. Support came from extended family and neighbors, however.

When I got older it was easier to escape the darkness and find escape in church groups or sports teams etc. 

one of the major negative results was looking for love in all the wrong places and dealing with the consequences of bad life choices. I found solace in drinking and using marijuana plus trying an occasional other drug. Never hardcore thankfully.

I lived through an attempted rape and a horrific one done by someone I knew who broke into my home after I broke up with him, I was asleep and he jumped on my back and pinned me. All 300 lbs of him. I don’t remember how I broke free but I ended up at a friends house who then stayed with me for some time. The perpetrator returned once to threaten my friend. 

After that he was gone, thankfully.

Following that, I think I only had one or two relationships and stopped any in 1997 after being emotionally assaulted and threatened by my then husband.  I was rescued to a safe house connected with Tri County CAP where my healing began. The folks  surrounding me at the safe house were part of a wonderful supportive Christian Community who showed me what unconditional love truly is. It was a love I had searched for all my life. They embraced me as part of the family of faith that I still practice today. These wonderful individuals simply showing me how to have a personal relationship with our savior. 

I will be forever grateful to them.

In a nut shell, my success is that I went from being homeless with my life in garbage bags to owning my own home , having a job I love and sharing my home with my miracle child and her family. It is possible to be FREE!!

My thoughts of wisdom to those reading is to seek out help NOW! Talk with your teachers in school, talk with your guidance counselors, call the local hotline , our 24 hr Crisis Hotline is 1-800-774-0544 that covers all towns in the Haverhill, Littleton, Lincoln area. For Adults, if you witness ANY questionable behavior of any child, etc PLEASE report it. YOU ARE SO WORTH living a life of freedom. 

These are just an outline of my story, reaching out to me I can share more. You can also read excerpts from the last ten years by connecting to my blog. https://jeshuaschild-sonkist. Connect with me at jeshuaschild@gmail.com

Thank you for taking the time.”

Photo courtesy of: Jourdan Buck Photography

Thank you, Michele for sharing your story. You are strong. You are brave. You are priceless.

#DomesticViolenceAwareness

Michele’s story can also be seen in The Caledonian-Record today.

Domestic Violence Awareness Month: Vickey’s Story

” I was married to my HS sweetheart at age 21, we are the same age. We had our first child when we were 23, then another at 24.
Our marriage was good for the first 10yrs or so.
The first time he screamed at me and called me a whore was over the phone. He was away at a car race for the weekend and the night before I had some of our friends over and we swam in our pool. The fact that I did that infuriated him. I was shocked.
Slowly over time he morphed into someone I didn’t recognize.
He would come home from work screaming about something that pissed him off at work and I bore the brunt of it. This happened more and more.
In the beginning I always took his side and totally supported him.
He would constantly scream at his mother, father, his siblings, friends, customers at his job, his boss, boss’s wife. Nobody was immune. As time went on, he got worse. He was incredibly narcissistic. Told me that he was the smartest person I would ever meet and that everyone else was an f-ing moron, which included myself and our kids.
He was a lousy father. Didn’t care about spending time with our kids. I pretty much raised them by myself as he was always working which he didn’t HAVE to do. Our kids were afraid of him.
He physically assaulted his father. Announced in a crowd of people that he would KILL his brother.
I persuaded him to go to couples therapy, I still don’t know how. It just turned out to be another way for him to verbally abuse me. It did no good.
One night we had an argument and he choked me. I left him that night. Stayed away for about a month, of course I went back. I truly loved him and he made all these promises and said how sorry he was.
I left him 2 more times in the next year, once for him faking his suicide and accusing me of having sex with his brother which would NEVER happen. The next for screaming at me for printing off the wrong oyster stew recipe.
He screamed so much all the time that he would lose his voice. Scream at me so close to my face that his spit would hit my face. His eyes would bug out and his face would be red.
He called me the C word all the time. I was always an Ignorant f-ing c!
The last 5yrs of our marriage was the worst. He humiliated me in front of my family & friends, would ruin every holiday, chase other women.
My children were adults at this time. They pressured me hard to leave their father. They could see that I was a wreck. Cortisol running so high in my body all the time because I never knew when he would explode on me. I had PTSD from him. I was so depressed I contemplated taking my own life. I was scared of him. He threatened to slit our horses throat when I would leave him so, I came back. I didn’t care what I looked like. I was in rough shape.
I finally left him in our 33rd yr of marriage. I was seeing a therapist on my own and between her and my kids, I felt I had no choice to leave because of the choking incident, the fact that I had no worth to him as he always told me that our home that we built before we had children was not my home because I NEVER EARNED IT, & the fact that I went to leave him one other time and went out the front door, he came running out and got in front of me and told me “get back in that f-ing house before you CAN’T get back in that f-ing house”. My kids totally supported me in leaving him. They grew up with him and saw a lot. They wanted me away from him.
I planned my escape for a year while living with him. I was soooooo scared that if he found out, he could really hurt me badly. So I planned in secret.
The day I left he and I both got up in the morning, just before he headed to work, I told him I was leaving him. My brother and sister in law were at our back door listening to me telling him I was leaving because my family and friends were afraid he would hurt me when I told him this. So if he tried to hurt me, they would intervene. He had no idea they were there.
When I told him…he said…”You have no reason to leave me!!” He was very upset. I told him I was Moving Out which I had never said or done before. My parents, our kids and his sister moved me out that day and into a cute log home, all in one day. He had no idea where I moved to.
He tried really hard to get me back, begged, pleaded…etc. I never went back.
After leaving him I saw a therapist for almost a year to get my self esteem back, EMDR therapy for my PTSD.
We were divorced officially 7 months after I left him.
It’s been 3yrs since I left and I have a beautiful life. My children have no relationship with their father, their choice, he is incredibly toxic. I have been No Contact with my ex for 2.5 yrs. It has to be that way.
In closing, I never thought I could leave him, I loved him and didn’t want a failed marriage. If it hadn’t been for my kids and 2 separate therapists, I would still be with him.
Thank you for reading my story. Starting my life over at 54 wasn’t easy but my god, so, so worth it. I have a happy, loving, peaceful home and am no longer afraid.”

Thank you Vickey, for sharing your powerful story.

You are strong.

You are brave.

You are important.

#DomesticViolenceAwareness

Domestic Violence Awareness Month: Becky’s Story

My “step-dad” story…

“My mom met him when I was 14. He came to her as her knight in shining armor. He was kind and sweet. We went on vacations and had fun. He played music and was a “good guy” fast forward 2 years. My mother got cancer. Fast moving life changing, kill you in 1.5 years cancer. While she was sick he began to drink. He would bring the woman home from his band and they would “talk” on the couch while my mother lay in her bed mere feet away. One night I guess the friend did not want to “talk” I don’t know. I do know I woke up with him sitting on the edge of my bed with his hand under the blanket. When I woke up it startled him. He said he was just checking on me to make sure I was sleeping ok. He got up and left. I remember laying there wondering what had just happened. Every night after that I moved my bed so the door couldn’t be opened. Let’s hit the fast forward button to 3 months. My mother is now dead. His drinking is out of control. I come home to the house where I grew up to find him and his girlfriend in my mother’s kitchen. I was 16 and in a horrible state. He beat the crap out of me that night. He hit me so hard in the face I saw stars. When I yelled if he was just pissed I blocked the door to my room so he couldn’t get in he hit me harder. He picked me up off the floor and slammed me into the counter. I ran for the back door. I left that night. Barefoot in the snow. I slept in my mom’s car. The next few days I packed all I could and moved into an apartment. He told me I would never be anything. Today I am strong. Today I own my own home. Today I help people live the best lives they can.

Today I am something.

Today I am me.

Today I am a survivor.”

Domestic Violence Survivor

Thank you, Becky for sharing your story. Becky’s story reminds me that you never know what someone is holding on to. The memories stay with us, long after the events take place. When you look at someone walking down the street, you never know what they have been through, or what they will go through.

Imagine meeting this sixteen year old girl, who just lost her mom, and wasn’t given time to grieve, but forced to become an adult, almost overnight. You might have seen her, and thought she had no place having her own apartment, or her strong-will might have made you think she was just a difficult teenager. Without taking the time to put yourself in her shoes, you would not have been able to offer the compassion or love that she needed. We all have the choice to be kind, no matter what we have been through.

Becky’s story reminds us to treat people with compassion, and illustrates again, that everyone has a story. Our stories make a difference. As our words are shared, they lose some of the power they hold when we hang on to them. We should all strive to be the kind of person that builds people up, and not tear them down.

#DomesticViolenceAwareness

Dear Tom Petty,

April 28, 2017

Dear Tom,

I want to thank you, for many things. The summer I turned fourteen I fell in love with your music. Wildflowers had just come out, and when I heard You Don’t Know How it Feels on the radio I felt like you were talking to me. I requested the song on the radio every chance I got, and for my birthday that year I received the cassette tape. I grew up with music, but for the first time, music reached me in places I didn’t know existed.

My childhood was less than ideal, as I grew up in an abusive household with both parents struggling with mental illness and addictions. We found food in the local dumpster when we didn’t have money, and I struggle with PTSD now because of the abuse. At fourteen, life continued to throw challenges my way, and in my darkest hours it was your lyrics and your voice that brought me comfort and gave me hope. Your words were all I had at times.

A few years later, I got mixed up with an abusive older man, and after five years of being trapped and scared the first song I played after I finally found the courage to leave him was Free Fallin’. At this time I was only nineteen, and did not live near any music stores and only had access to Wildflowers and The Greatest Hits. I played them both over and over again, and as before, it was what kept me grounded.

Later, my mom started buying me more of your albums and some of your photos (one was even allegedly signed!) and concert t-shirts off EBay. I was closed off to most people, but the one thing they knew about me was that I connected to your music. I treasured the music and the items, because I never imagined I would get the chance to see you live. I wanted to, but I lived in Vermont, and was with another abusive man, who I had three children with. He was jealous of the love I held for your music.

My gram, who raised me, and was my best and only true friend passed away. I sank into a deep, dark depression, and again, the only thing that brought color to my world was your music. The song that I listened to during this time was Don’t Fade on Me. That song said the words I couldn’t find: “You were the one who took me in…you were the one thing I could count on. Above all you were my friend….” Even now, after eight years, listening to this song brings me great comfort.

A couple years later my family lost everything we owned in a house fire. We had been having troubles with a neighbor, who earlier in the day had threatened to burn our house down, but the fire investigators deemed it accidental. As I stood and watched all of the things my kids and I held dear burn I felt like I had lost everything. All of my music was gone. All of the items my mom had bought me, that made me feel closer to you were gone. All of my gram’s things that reminded me of her were gone. My kids lost all of their toys. We lost pictures…we lost everything. It was devastating until I realized no one was hurt. We were all safe, and what we lost were just things. The song that helped me through this time was Square One. At the time, I did not know that this event was my square one. It allowed me the freedom to put things in motion to leave my abusive husband, and it also gave me a little money to be able to see you live. In 2012 I was able to fly (for the first time!) to see you in Orlando. It was magical. I never imagined I would get the chance to see you and hear you in person.

Living that dream made me see that I could do anything if I wanted it bad enough. The other dream I had since I was a little girl was to be an author, to write my life story. I began to write, but after 65 pages, I got stuck. It was too much to be transported back to all the traumatic events that I had not really dealt with. For two years I put my writing on hold. My mom had hurt me in many ways, I just wanted her to love me, but it was not something that she was fully able to do. I did not feel right exposing our secrets to the world, so I told myself I would write after she passed away. I never imagined I would get the opportunity so quickly, but last April I was at my mom’s bed side as she passed away. Right before she lost consciousness, the last words I spoke to her were “I forgive you Mom. I love you.” She held on for two more days and I was able to tell her all of the things I had been holding on to. Finally, at the end of her life, she was able to give me the love that I had longed for my entire life.

Two weeks after my mom’s death I sat at my computer and wrote, and wrote, and wrote. As I wrote I listened to I Forgive it All on repeat and cried. I really did forgive it all. Two hundred more pages fell out of me, and I have been working on my edited version, because I want the suffering to be worth something, I want to be able to help someone else that may be in a similar situation, much like your music and words helped me.

The songs that I have mentioned are just a few of the ones that have touched me. I wanted to keep this brief enough to let you know that I owe you. If it were not for you and your music, I would have lost my battle with depression years ago. You were a friend when I had none. I have seen you in concert four more times since Orlando, and have three more shows to go to this year. When you come on stage, a smile takes over my face and tears well up in my eyes, because I am grateful for all that you do for your fans and I wanted you to know that you matter. Your lyrics, your songs, your voice matter. I know I am not the only one who feels this way, but I wanted you to know.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!

Sincerely Grateful,

Jessica Aiken-Hall

Domestic Violence Awareness Month: “Tommy’s” Story

In 8th grade I dated a girl in my class. When we were dating, she didn’t want me to talk to other girls, or even my friends. If we got in arguments in texts, she would tell me she was going to cut herself, unless I did what she told me to. She pressured me into doing things I didn’t feel comfortable with, and when I finally had enough, I broke up with her. She told me she was going to kill herself if I didn’t come back to her, so I did for a while. After another few weeks of her threats, I couldn’t take it any longer. When I broke up with her again, she started telling the kids at school that I raped her, and assaulted her. She knew that my dad had assaulted my mom, and that would really hurt me to hear her say those things. She also made a false police report telling the police I was going to shoot up our school. The night before my freshman year, my mom and I were in the police station until 1 am being interrogated. She continued to spread rumors about me throughout the school, and made a lot of the other kids hate me. I thought about killing myself after she compared me to my dad, because I didn’t want people to look at me that way. I am nothing like him.
I have a great counselor and a supportive family. I do not let her words hurt me now. I have a great group of friends and go to school feeling confident.

Tommy did not want to use his real name, or show his face. He is 15, and he is a survivor. Like many people who find themselves in domestic violence situations, Tommy grew up in a home where he witnessed his father brutally beat his mother. He was not free from his father’s abuse either. Tommy has PTSD due to the events he witnessed, and the abuse he endured. He stated he feels this was why he ended up with the girl who used manipulation to control him. He said he did not realize he deserved better. He thought that was how relationships were. The girl still tries to bully him at school, but he has found his strength, and he knows what she does is about her, and not him. He knows he deserves to be treated with respect. He knows he is nothing like his father.

Thank you, Tommy, for sharing your story, and for reminding us domestic violence can happen to anyone, regardless of their gender, or age. Your story is powerful, and I am grateful you are alive to tell it. You are strong. You are brave. You are a survivor.

#DomesticViolenceAwareness