#DomesticViolenceAwareness, healing, Hope, Love, Unconditional Love

What Is Self-Love? Michele’s Thoughts

What is self love?? I’m glad you asked the question.

Honestly, My mind is weary so I had to look it up:

Self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness. Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others. Self-love means not settling for less than you deserve.

That was a hard concept to learn growing up. I’m sure many of you can relate. Words like, you’re not wanted, I never wanted you in the first place, you don’t deserve it, you’re worthless etc. you know the drill.
They pack a wallop and leave scars that at first feel like they will never heal. Then you throw in being taken advantage of physically and your well being gets smaller and smaller as if you become almost invisible. You let their words and actions speak louder than your heart. In your heart you know there’s got to be a better way,
Please let there be a better way.
Your path is laden with pot holes that you keep falling into until one day it’s possible: you start only tripping over the holes, then you start walking around the holes and finally you realize it’s time to take a whole new path.
Some people find it on their own, some through a spiritual connection. I found my path to freedom through my hope and faith in God.
My ex husband said let’s go to your friends church “ one day.
You’ll never guess what the sermon was about? Dysfunctional relationships /Abusive relationships. The minister asked anyone who had been a victim of a form of abuse as well as anyone who had been a perpetrator to come forward for prayer. Everyone, including me, went forward except for one man.
Yup, you guessed it. my ex
For me seeing over a hundred plus people go forward spoke volumes and I began to talk to the pastors’ wife and others. They gave me books to read and said they were praying for me.
Long story short, within a short time I was placed in a safe house with my daughter. He eventually found us, somehow and at the very moment he pulled in, the pastor of the church did too. That was the first true day to my journey towards freedom. He argued with the minister and the minister fired right back at him. So he went away more or less. Fortunately Through the love and counsel I received, I began to know that unconditional love was possible and the first person I needed to forgive and love was myself.
I found a home at the local motel where they let me live in exchange for housekeeping work.
Eventually I learned to care for myself enough to try front desk work then was promoted to manager then on and on toward finding my freedom.
Today through special funding via NH Community Loan Fund, I now own a very modest Mobile home and I share it with my family.
I’m blessed to work close by and have a peace that I always knew in my heart of hearts was out there.
I’m so very thankful for my freedom and for those that have been a stepping stone along the path to get here. I’m convinced that I’m definitely not done going forward and that God continues to have an awesome plan for my life.
Take heart dear ones, your path to freedom is near at hand. Take your first step. Learn to love yourself, step out !!! YOU are so worth it.
Happy February ❤️💕🌸🎈👏🏻🎶🤩🎉🎊😍🤗🥰😘❤️🎈

Feel free to connect @ jeshuaschild@gmail.com

Or call the 24 hour Domestic Trauma hotline 1-800-774-0544


Thank you, Michele, for sharing this with us, and being so willing to help others.



#DomesticViolenceAwareness, Domestic Violence, healing, Hope, Love, Uncategorized, Unconditional Love

5 Easy Steps To Self-Love

  1. Positive self-talk We all have that voice in our head that tells us all the horrible things we dislike about our self. This internal dialogue can cause havoc to our self-esteem and self-worth. To help change this, every time you catch yourself using negative self-talk, change it to something positive. Examples: I am kind. I am enough. I am beautiful. I am powerful. I am worthy. I deserve the respect of others.
  2. Have Compassion For Yourself It is so much easier to have compassion for others, but you are worth the same love and compassion you give to others. If you were to step back, and imagine someone else had lived the life you have, or been through the things you have, I bet you could find empathy, love, and understanding. This was a big Ah-ha moment for me. It allowed me to understand my situation with much more compassion. Instead of thinking I wasn’t strong enough, or it wasn’t “that bad,” I was able to understand how strong I had been. No one is perfect, don’t be so hard on yourself. Give yourself some compassion.
  3. Get Out of Your Comfort Zone For people who have lived in trauma, self-love isn’t comfortable. Push yourself out of your comfort zone, and allow yourself to love YOU. If at first you don’t succeed, keep getting uncomfortable and try again. You are worth the uncomfortableness to realize how amazing you truly are.
  4. Tell Yourself “I Love You.” Every time you walk by a mirror, stop and say, “I love you.” If that feels a little too weird at first, start with saying, “I am enough.” Every time you see your reflection, whether it is in a storefront window, on the side of a shiny car, or in the mirror, stop and say it. Look at yourself in the eyes and say the words you tell others. Say them, and then work on believing them.
  5. Practice Makes Progress Practice your self-love practice everyday. The more you do it, the more you will start to believe it. At first, it might feel a little odd, but you are worth it. You are important. You matter. Now, get to work, and start loving your beautiful self.

The best way to seek revenge on all the people who hurt you, is to love yourself. If they taught you to believe you were unlovable, prove them wrong. When you love yourself, everything else falls into place. Self-love is the first step to taking back your power.

Be gentle on yourself. You’ve got this. You are worth it.

#DomesticViolenceAwareness, Domestic Violence, gas lighting, healing, Hope, Love, Uncategorized, Unconditional Love

February: Self-Love: The First Step in Preventing Domestic Violence

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

What is self-love? Doesn’t sound like a hard question, right?

When someone has lived in chaos and trauma, self-love is not something that is learned. In fact, it is furthest from reality.

You’re worthless.

You’re nothing without me.

You’re a waste of space.

Have you looked at yourself lately?

When you hear the same things over and over again, you begin to believe it. How could you not? Subliminal and not so subliminal messages are being fed to you on a daily basis. How can you stop the negative self-talk, when you do not have any other frame of reference. You use all the strength you have just to make it to the next day, there is nothing left to fight the thoughts that make up who you are. How can you love someone who seems unlovable?

When someone told me I had to love myself in order to love others my defense went up. I was angry at the thought. How dare they say that to me. How dare they tell me I have to love myself. In that moment it was an impossible ask. I was not in a place that I felt I deserved love. I thought it was my job to love and take care of others. I did not even make it on my list of priorities.

The next time someone said this to me, I took a step back. Maybe there was something to this. I watched others around me, and noticed our differences. I looked for small ways I could try to put myself first. The small steps pushed me to grad school, and that was where the real magic happened.

Each month I felt myself come a little more out of the haze of the illusions that surrounded me. The more steps I took out of the fog, the more I was able to see how I wanted to be treated by others. Before this, I didn’t think I had a choice. If someone wanted to take advantage of me, I didn’t say no. When I started to see my worth the people around me didn’t like it. It wasn’t as easy to push me around like they used to. I slowly learned how to say no.

Self-love was a long process for me. I had years of reprogramming. Years of clearing out the spaces that had been filled with violence and fear. The excuses poured in from every direction. The what if’s filled the air.

Some days I was able to push them under the surface, while other times I wasn’t as successful. The fear and doubt won. But, I didn’t give up. I kept trying to fight my way through the thick muck of self-loathing and self-doubt to the land of self-love.

Abusers use these weaknesses they see in us. They feed off of our self-doubt, and assure us we are all the bad things we can conger up in our minds. Self-love takes our power back. When we don’t believe the awful things we used to tell ourselves any longer, we won’t believe when they say them either. When they put their hands on us, we know we don’t deserve it. We know we are worth more. We are worthy of love; our love. We are worthy of safe love. We are worthy of happiness.

We. Are. Worthy.

Do you have a story of your self-love journey you would like to share? I’m looking to share stories of self-love this month. Send me a mesasage at contact@jessicaaikenhall.com if you would like to share your self-love story. The best weapon against domestic violence is education and sharing our stories.

We will make a difference. One voice at a time.

Can you think of ways you practice self-love? I’d love to hear about them! I’ll share some ideas in the next blog.

Photo by Carl Attard on Pexels.com