#DomesticViolenceAwareness, Domestic Violence, Uncategorized

Domestic Violence Awareness Month: Amy’s Story

“I was with my bf for about 3-4 years total, off and on. The whole relationship was rocky to begin with. I never figured it out, then one day it clicked. He didn’t want to work, help support anything. Everything was to make him happy. My father was dying and he had to be stuck to my side to “be there for me”. I didn’t want him there and neither did my father but he had to follow me. Out of respect for dad I couldn’t go see him or I’d have a shadow, and disrespect him while I was there. Anyone I was close to left me. They didn’t like him and I couldn’t see why. We have a child together. He used him as leverage to keep me when I finally had enough of feeling depressed and lonely and never good enough. Told him I didn’t love him. He told me I’d never have my son and he’d make sure of it. I stayed. I tried to leave him for 1.5 years before I was finally able to. The last few months when I finally made the decision I had to leave regardless what he said. We fought. Told me I’d never be good enough for anyone else and no one would want me. I’m a useless, waste of air. Said he wished he was a female so he could beat he sh*t out of me and get away with it. Literally push came to shove sometimes. I’m 5’3 and he is 6’4. We were nose to nose a couple times. He’s told me I should kill myself and wreck my car and make everyone happier not to deal with me. A few days later the brakes went in my car. He called Child Protective Services on me a few times, and brought me to court numerous times trying to make me look unfit. For my birthday I went out with my so called close friend. I ended up being drugged, carried out back of the bar and left there. I’m not sure who or how I got ahold of him to get me but he came. Child Protective Services woke me up the next day. Said I was accused of being an alcoholic. Come to find out my friend was fooling around with him and helped him drug me and make me look unfit. I slept with a knife under my pillow for a long time. The last couple court dates I had an escort out to my car. The court guards actually asked me because they seen him hanging around outside. Before I got out of the house I had at least 2-3 CPS visits and at least one court date started. Since then, I moved back to my mothers house. Got a better stable job. A man who picked up the pieces and helped me grow. He built a house for us. Things have done a complete 180 for me. I feel loved and wanted again. Something for the longest time I didn’t think I was allowed to feel.”

Thank you, Amy, for sharing your story.

You are strong.

You are brave.

You are important.

#DomesticViolenceAwareness

#DomesticViolenceAwareness, Domestic Violence, Uncategorized

Domestic Violence Awareness Month: Rod’s Story

It started out with small things early in our relationship. Firstly, small decisions being made without really asking for my input, even though I always liked to include my partner’s opinion in everything we wanted to do in our plans or future needs. Decisions like buying items that weren’t budgeted for, or making arrangements to do certain things without asking if I was available (from work mostly).

These things were no big deal at the time, as we were a couple and loved each other right? We would work through any issues that came up in our lives together, just like other couples did. 

This was also the beginning of what ultimately was my denial of a serious underlying problem with our relationship.

We ended up having five children – the first of which was born only two weeks after I left hospital due to major cancer surgery. This was a very difficult time for both of us, especially for my then fiance, whom was 9 months pregnant and also having a partner that might not have come home from the hospital.

The small issues from the past weren’t so obvious, but they were still there, as I just was too unwell to see it at the time.

Fast forward to the mid 2000’s and the real abuse started. This was mostly in the form of psychological blackmail, when it came to relationship issues like sex, money or decisions about our family’s future. While I was by no means the perfect partner or father, I was always 100% committed to my wife and family, and would never consider doing anything to put that at risk. It seems this was known by my partner and used against me.

Eventually, bigger decisions were made without my input at all. Such as my partner travelling interstate without telling me, and leaving our five children in the care of friends. The first I knew about these events, was when I would receive a phone call from those friends to ask when I was picking them up that day. I worked 2.5 hours drive away at the time, so this was not so simple. I was told by the friends that my partner had told them that I would be picking them up, while she went interstate. I said I knew nothing about this.

When she returned, there would be sex for favours, or to otherwise try and make up for the past week. This was very a very common method of abuse in our relationship at the time. There was no real personal involvement from her, it was just her way of making sure things worked in her favour. I later learned about the cycle of abuse, and immediately recognised this behaviour as abuse.

Any questions about what my partner was doing were met with silence. Eventually, large sums of money were going missing from our accounts, a lot of miles were being put on the car, without any obvious reason for it. The kids were going hungry, the house wasn’t being kept, all the while I was working away trying to build a future for my family. 

The end came with her weaponising the children, and essentially never having to deal with the emotional stuff that had occurred. This was very damaging to me, even though I had been through a lot already with cancer etc, and heavily relied on my partner to take part in the relationship. 

R.S.

Thank you, Rod, for sharing your story. You are strong. You are brave. You are not alone. Thank you for being one of the two men that shared for this project.

#DomesticViolenceAwareness