#DomesticViolenceAwareness, Domestic Violence, Uncategorized

Domestic Violence Awareness Month: Vickey’s Story

” I was married to my HS sweetheart at age 21, we are the same age. We had our first child when we were 23, then another at 24.
Our marriage was good for the first 10yrs or so.
The first time he screamed at me and called me a whore was over the phone. He was away at a car race for the weekend and the night before I had some of our friends over and we swam in our pool. The fact that I did that infuriated him. I was shocked.
Slowly over time he morphed into someone I didn’t recognize.
He would come home from work screaming about something that pissed him off at work and I bore the brunt of it. This happened more and more.
In the beginning I always took his side and totally supported him.
He would constantly scream at his mother, father, his siblings, friends, customers at his job, his boss, boss’s wife. Nobody was immune. As time went on, he got worse. He was incredibly narcissistic. Told me that he was the smartest person I would ever meet and that everyone else was an f-ing moron, which included myself and our kids.
He was a lousy father. Didn’t care about spending time with our kids. I pretty much raised them by myself as he was always working which he didn’t HAVE to do. Our kids were afraid of him.
He physically assaulted his father. Announced in a crowd of people that he would KILL his brother.
I persuaded him to go to couples therapy, I still don’t know how. It just turned out to be another way for him to verbally abuse me. It did no good.
One night we had an argument and he choked me. I left him that night. Stayed away for about a month, of course I went back. I truly loved him and he made all these promises and said how sorry he was.
I left him 2 more times in the next year, once for him faking his suicide and accusing me of having sex with his brother which would NEVER happen. The next for screaming at me for printing off the wrong oyster stew recipe.
He screamed so much all the time that he would lose his voice. Scream at me so close to my face that his spit would hit my face. His eyes would bug out and his face would be red.
He called me the C word all the time. I was always an Ignorant f-ing c!
The last 5yrs of our marriage was the worst. He humiliated me in front of my family & friends, would ruin every holiday, chase other women.
My children were adults at this time. They pressured me hard to leave their father. They could see that I was a wreck. Cortisol running so high in my body all the time because I never knew when he would explode on me. I had PTSD from him. I was so depressed I contemplated taking my own life. I was scared of him. He threatened to slit our horses throat when I would leave him so, I came back. I didn’t care what I looked like. I was in rough shape.
I finally left him in our 33rd yr of marriage. I was seeing a therapist on my own and between her and my kids, I felt I had no choice to leave because of the choking incident, the fact that I had no worth to him as he always told me that our home that we built before we had children was not my home because I NEVER EARNED IT, & the fact that I went to leave him one other time and went out the front door, he came running out and got in front of me and told me “get back in that f-ing house before you CAN’T get back in that f-ing house”. My kids totally supported me in leaving him. They grew up with him and saw a lot. They wanted me away from him.
I planned my escape for a year while living with him. I was soooooo scared that if he found out, he could really hurt me badly. So I planned in secret.
The day I left he and I both got up in the morning, just before he headed to work, I told him I was leaving him. My brother and sister in law were at our back door listening to me telling him I was leaving because my family and friends were afraid he would hurt me when I told him this. So if he tried to hurt me, they would intervene. He had no idea they were there.
When I told him…he said…”You have no reason to leave me!!” He was very upset. I told him I was Moving Out which I had never said or done before. My parents, our kids and his sister moved me out that day and into a cute log home, all in one day. He had no idea where I moved to.
He tried really hard to get me back, begged, pleaded…etc. I never went back.
After leaving him I saw a therapist for almost a year to get my self esteem back, EMDR therapy for my PTSD.
We were divorced officially 7 months after I left him.
It’s been 3yrs since I left and I have a beautiful life. My children have no relationship with their father, their choice, he is incredibly toxic. I have been No Contact with my ex for 2.5 yrs. It has to be that way.
In closing, I never thought I could leave him, I loved him and didn’t want a failed marriage. If it hadn’t been for my kids and 2 separate therapists, I would still be with him.
Thank you for reading my story. Starting my life over at 54 wasn’t easy but my god, so, so worth it. I have a happy, loving, peaceful home and am no longer afraid.”

Thank you Vickey, for sharing your powerful story.

You are strong.

You are brave.

You are important.

#DomesticViolenceAwareness

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